Just say no to people pleasing

Have you ever made a decision in your life that you only agreed to do to please other people?

I’ve struggled with this my entire life.

Up until recently I lived my life as a people pleaser. I would make decisions that made me look good on the outside to everyone but deep down I didn’t agree with the decisions.

I went to college because my family wanted me to go. Even though I knew college wasn’t right for me. I’m not a school person, I went to make them happy. I am glad I went because I met a lot of friends, but if my family sat me down and had a real conversation about college than asked me do you really want to go to college? The answer would’ve been no.

I would go to a lot of events that I didn’t want to go to. Wheather it was family events or something a friend wanted to do, I would do it even though I didn’t want to and I was miserable.

I had jobs that I hated, but since they had important titles I stuck with them to be able to brag about my job to family and friends.

I dated a guy in high school who wasn’t the right person for me but my family loved him so I stayed with him for 2 years and eventually broke it off when I went away to college. He was the kind of guy that looked great on paper but behind closed doors was an obesssive, manipulative, crazy person that needed to get mental health. I was 16 when I met him and a year into our relationship he was talking about getting married and having kids. Who thinks like that at such a young age? Every time I tried to break it off with him he would tell me he couldn’t live without me and he would kill himself. So I stayed with him, not because I was happy but because everyone in my family loved him (or the person he pretended to be) and I wanted to please everyone. Eventually I broke it off for good with him and met the guy I am going to marry in 2017 and even though he drives me crazy every now and then, he’s a great guy and I am truly happy with him.

“Trying to please everyone is a recipe for stress, misery and frustration. Be yourself. It’ll be good to know who’s down with that.”

The one quality I love about my future husband is that he never does something he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about his decisions, he just simply does what he wants.

Over time he has taught me to have the same mindset and I now live a much happier life. You can’t please everyone, you have to put yourself first. People are always going to have an opinion and you have to just do what makes you happy.

 I’m a grown woman in my late 20s who is able to make her own decisions. If they don’t like my decisions that is there problem not mine.

It took years of getting to that point of not caring about other people’s opinions and just living for me and I’m still a work in progress but I am much happier now.

Do you struggle with trying to please everyone but yourself? Let me know in the comments


4 thoughts on “Just say no to people pleasing

  1. Relatable! Many times I find myself saying yes to things I wanna refuse. I don’t know what it is but I cannot say no to people. Thank you god, i read your post, now I know it is just not me. I find myself giving answers in exams and that’s basically cheating. I don’t want to because my paper hasn’t finished or I want to recheck my paper, but I just kinda find it hard saying no to people. What should I do?


    1. Coming from a former people pleaser I know that the struggle to say no is real. I think it comes with time. For me I just had enough one day and I realized that I was so miserable living on other peoples terms that I just started making my own decisions. I eased my way into it by saying no to small things like if my friend wanted to me to go somewhere with them and I just didn’t want to go I would say no. Or if one of my coworkers asked me to lunch I would politely decline. It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s a lot easier said than done but you’ll get there.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m very much a people pleaser and have recently come to terms with the fact that I have to think about me for a while! I met my now husband when I was a teenager and at the time I wasn’t convinced university was for me so I allowed my doubts and my husband’s negative attitude to tell myself that I wasn’t good enough!

    But at the age of 30, I enrolled at university! 12 years later but it was about me! I still struggle to say no to lots of things but I’m learning! It’s all about making small changes for me!


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